Yao and Ivan's Dance Dance Evolution
by InuyashaSano
Summary: ReaderXIvan/Yao! You were invited for lunch but were pulled into the most disturbing dance dance evolution you'd ever witness. Pure Comedy!


It was a lovely freezing afternoon at Ivn's house. The birds were frozen to death, the flowers were just stunning when they were dead, but most importantly, Ivan had invited you over for lunch.

It was a simple lunch made by a simple man(mostly you). Sandwhiches on fresh baked bread and over 15 different meats and cheeses to choose from! God you loved the selection at his house, there was never a lack of food in this house and it didn't make you feel bad to pick some out time to time when he wasn't looking.

Right when you were about to take that first scrumpious bite of your thick, layered, mouth-watering sandwhich,-YAO SLAMS THE DOOR OPEN AND STORMS INTO THE KITCHEN.

Both you and Ivan stare with your mouths open and sandwhiches in your hand as you see Yao breathing really hard and glaring at Ivan with big ol' eyes and he's holding some kind of...stereo?

"YOU IDIOT THE QUALIFICATION FOR THE DANCE DANCE EVOLUTION STARTS TODAY-ARU!"

Ivan looks at you and kind of shrugs and smiles. "Whoopsies. Was I...supposed to meet you?"

Yao TAKES THAT SANDWHICH OUT OF THE HUNGRY BABY MAN'S HANDS AND VIOLENTLY SNATCHES A BIT OL' CHUNK WITH HIS MASSIVE HUNGRY JAWS. He's chewing furiously with wide eyes. "I wazsh waitin' at sha park shfor SHIRSHY MINUSHS!" He gulped it down and started waving the sandwhich at Ivan while he was talking. "We don't have time to fool aru'nd! We have to practice before going there, and it starts in an hour-ru!"

He took another bite of the sandwhich and started walking to the living room.

Ivan sighed and looked really worried.

You think...you need to ask him how he feels about this. "Ivan," you start, "what's wrong? Do you not want to go in the competition?"

"Oh? No no no...He..." Ivan sighed again, "...he took my sandwhich..."

You consider giving him the rest of yours but you inwardly laugh at the idea and decided that would have been the worst decision of your life as you take another bite.

Ivan picks up his bottle of vodka while standing up. He also picked up a vodka party drinking hat and another bottle of vodka slouching-head down- while on the path towards the living room. You follow with your sandwhich.

You and Ivan witness Yao moving around furniture 5x the size his own body with such fervor and occasionally it looks like he'd have an aneurysm but he's all cool. Ivan does't look impressed rather you think he looked pretty DEpressed ahahah wow prefixes are fun.

Yao wipes the sweat off his brow with a delicate swipe and the entire living room had been magically transformed into a dancing studio. Yao goes over to his stereo and pops up the top and pulled out two pieces of clothing from it and-faces towards us-struts up to Ivan, and GRABS IVAN'S SHIRT! Ivan's face is DISTRESSED and you're DISTRESSED and Yao takes off his SHIRT IN ONE FELL SWOOP and you admire Ivan's pudge and realize-oh god what's happening are they doing it right in front of you oh MY GOD but then Yao SWOOPS ANOTHER PIECE OF CLOTHING BACK ON IVAN and SWIPES IVANS PANTS OFF AND PUTS NEW ONES ON SO FAST IT WAS A visual blur but you're pretty sure Yao flipped Ivan a 360.

Ivan was sobbing but Yao dismissed this behavior. Your mouth is dropped and you're feeling so many emotions but you just eat another bite of your sandwhich. Yao and Ivan were now wear matching dancing outfits with the color and pattern of a panda hell they even had a little panda tail on their pants. Yao gently adorned a Panda ear head band on Russia before daintily skipping towards the stereo and SLAMMED A CD IN THE PORT and it broke into pieces but he closed it and it started playing music anyways.

"Alright fat man, you remember your cue right? We have to be perfectly sync'runized!" Yao said while slapping his hand MAKING A MOTHERFUCKING POINT. Ivan-slouched-shook his head.

"Here it comes! Get ready-aru!" Yao moved into his starting position, while Ivan dragged his body into his position. You started to sit down on the ground but before your butt touched the ground Yao quickly transitioned from the side of the screen to gently place a pillowed mat under your tush and transitioned off the screen but it didn't affect his dancing position at all.

On cue, Yao daintily moves his fingers like a streaming river past his face-closes his eyes as he gently caresses his eyelashes with the flow and stretches his body towards Ivan. Ivan, on cue twirls and hops on the pad of his food-bending down and back up moving his body like a slithering snake before he quickly switches the position of his feet with another hop-twists his body and bends backwards stretching for Yao's embrace.

On another cue on haste they twirl around and VIOLENTLY ESTABLISH A WIDENED POSE REACHING OUT FOR EACH OTHER. They take widened hops towards each other crossing their paths and gently twirling to meet each others gaze again. Yao front flips towards Ivan while Ivan kneels down-Yao makes a successful landing with his feet on each of Ivan's broad manly fat shoulders.

At this point you're really not impressed with this performance.

Then the music starts to speed up.

Yao and Ivan suddenly yell "HO!" and jump simutaneously out-stretching their limbs before steadily maintaining position. They yell "HO!" again and simutaneously jump WHILE TURNING AROUND so their behinds are facing you.

This is a strange transition and the music before is clashing with the music now but hey you can dig it you guess.

Suddenly you hear "I BUST IT WIT' MY NIGGA'S. LEMME SEE YA TWERK." and both Yao and Ivan start twerking in front of you. Yao is MAINTAINING balance on Ivan's shoulders as they both have their hands on their knees and violently shaking their ass cheeks.

Your mouth lays agap watching this gross disgusting trainwreck. First you gaze at Yaos asscheeks which flips back and forward as springy and shaking a small water balloon. Ivan's ass-however-with every violent motion-seems to bring a tidal wave towards his exposed ass crack and the rebound expands the break between the two cheeks of land-while blubbering back down as intensely as hitting a tennis ball but it's more like 50 waterballoons morphed into each other and they didn't know what direction to go.

You turned into stone like literally kind of you couldn't move or turn your gaze away. Their rippling asscheeks reflected in each eye. Yao's in the left, Ivan's in the right.

Yao does another asian backflip while twerking in the air. He lands with no rebound and is still twerking. He vibrates towards you but you can't even move.

He inches ever so closer just...twerking! Hegets slower and slower at dis decent. So close. Closer. Ass cheecks. Up and down. Up and down. Up...and down...up...and down...closer...inches away from your face...

His asscheeks seperate and close around your sandwhich and he resumes twerking with the sandwhich between his pudding cups and he vibrates off screen.

Yao presses the off switch of the stereo and wipes his brow ever so like a little woman because he's kind of like a woman except not really. He pulls the sandwhich out from his cheeks and with a half-lidded satisfied look on his face he takes a bite from the sandwhich.  
"I shink wurr gounna pash," said the hungry little woman.

"Y-...y-...you think so?" Russia asked trying to catch his breath. He doned on his vodka drinking cap and put the tubes in his nose while he grabbed another full vodka bottle and downed that.

Yao swallowed. "You bet I do-aru! Hey, what did you think about our audition, huh?" He was talking to me. I didn't know how to respond. I was still hungry.

"I think...you guys will definitely not qualify."

Yao nodded. "Yeah."  
Ivan fell passed out.


End file.
